


Little Red Captain Toews

by MeansToOffend (goodmorning)



Series: 31 in 31: NHL Fairy Tales [9]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Chicago Blackhawks, Fairy Tale Retellings, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 15:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12112122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodmorning/pseuds/MeansToOffend
Summary: "As the captain of the team, he of course had a red jersey with a C on it, which suited him so well that he rarely wore anything else - and so he was known, behind his back, as Little Red Captain Toews."





	Little Red Captain Toews

Once upon a time, there lived a serious captain who was beloved by the hockey media, but his teammates in particular were so fond of him they couldn’t praise him enough.

As the captain of the team, he of course had a red jersey with a C on it, which suited him so well that he rarely wore anything else - and so he was known, behind his back, as Little Red Captain Toews. One day his father, Soupy, said to him, “You know, Crow’s got to be pretty lonely out there in the forest by himself. I wonder if he’s eating right?”

“You’re right, I should probably take him some food. I wonder if he’d like the greens I’ve been growing?” And so he gathered the greens and shut the door on Soupy’s snickering.

Now, Crow dwelt far into the wood, where he could be alone with his goalie thoughts. As Little Red Captain Toews followed the winding path among the trees, he met a Commissioner; but he didn’t know what a malicious fellow he was, and so was unafraid.

“Good day, Jonny,” said he.

“Good day, Mr. Bettman,” Little Red Captain Toews replied.

“Where are you off to so early?”

“I’m going to my goalie’s house.”

“And what do you have there?”

“Fresh greens, from my organic garden,” he said. “I just picked them so that Crow, who’s off thinking goalie thoughts, can actually eat something good for him, for once.”

“Huh,” said the Commissioner. “And where does this goalie live?”

“Oh, a way into the forest. The cabin stands under three great oak trees, and the front door is the same red as my sweater, you can’t miss it.”

And the Commissioner thought to himself, “If I play my cards right, I can get both of them, for sure.”

But out loud, he said, “You’re walking like this is a chore, but look at how beautiful the forest is today! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, it’s lovely and cool in the shade. You should enjoy it more!” 

So Little Red Captain Toews slowed down, and took a deep breath, and enjoyed the feel of the breeze on his skin and the chatter of the birds. He looked up at the sun-dappled canopy, and down at the flowers along the path, and when he looked to the path ahead of him, the Commissioner was gone. But he continued, thinking nothing of it.

The Commissioner, meanwhile, had run ahead to the goalie’s house, and knocked at the door.

“Which one of you assholes is it?” came a grumbling from inside.

“Uh… Jonny?” said the Commissioner, trying to imitate his voice.

“Dammit, Seabs, for the last time, fuck off,” said the goalie. “You still can’t do voices and I really don’t have time for your shit.”

Just then, the Commissioner heard the sound of someone humming a Fratellis song on the path: Little Red Captain Toews had caught up to him. Quickly, he hid himself in some nut bushes beside the cabin, and waited.

Little Red Captain Toews knocked at the door, still humming happily to himself. 

He stopped abruptly when Crow said, “For fuck’s sake, Seabs!”

“It’s not Seabs, it’s Jonny,” Little Red Captain Toews said. “I brought you some organic greens from my garden.”

“I can’t believe you let Seabs drag you into this shit, Duncs. I’ve told you a thousand times that I want to be left alone.”

“No, it really is Jonny,” protested Little Red Captain Toews. “Will you at least open the door so I know you’re not, like, starving?”

“Fine,” said Crow, and did. “Wait, seriously?”

And the Commissioner jumped out of the bushes with a gun. “Don’t move or I’ll shoot your captain.” He advanced on the doorway, gesturing them inside and following after.

“So, uh, did you want something? We did meet on the path, man, you could have asked me then,” said Little Red Captain Toews, confused.

“I want the two of you to play for a bigger market team.”

“But Commissioner, Toronto’s roster is full right now,” Crow said.

“Not the Leafs, a team that gets more outdoor games!”

“But Commissioner, the Rangers have a goalie already,” said Little Red Captain Toews.

“No, I mean a team that wins a lot of Cups!”

“Commissioner, I don’t think the Penguins could afford us,” said Crow, impatiently.

“What? No, not the Penguins. I want you two to be… Blackhawks!”

“We already are Blackhawks,” said Little Red Captain Toews, seriously. “Did you think I was just wearing the jersey for fun?”

“Oh,” said the Commissioner, and left the cabin with his head hung low.

Now it happened that a policeman was passing at just that moment, and caught sight of the Commissioner’s gun. 

“Do you have a permit for that?” he asked, moving cautiously towards him.

“Well, no, but-” said the Commissioner.

“I’m going to have to take you in,” said Detective Saad, and did so.

And the two Blackhawks in the cabin danced around in glee, and no-one sorrowed for the Commissioner at all.

**Author's Note:**

> \- "But Grandmother, what an expensive contract I have!"  
> \- As I said on the last story: I lost power due to Irma. Now that I have it back, I'll post two per day until I catch up!


End file.
